How To Play Hard To Get on Howcast
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Disappointing first time Q/A
Dear Alice,
I recently had sex with my girlfriend. It was the first time for both of us. Her hymen broke and she bled a little and even cried but she said she LOVED it. I, on the other hand, felt no pain, but, at the same time, I did not have a lot of pleasure. I expected the first time to be much better, but her vagina seemed to be too relaxed and I did not feel a lot of pressure on my penis. Virgins are supposed to have tight vaginas to make sex more enjoyable. My girlfriend used to go to ballet for ten years and she always does the splits and squats. Do you think that made her vaginal muscles relaxed, or is it just that she did not know how to please me? I am really frustrated and lied to her, telling her I loved it, too. Please help me out.
—Disappointed
Dear Disappointed,
Just having two people dance together for their first time takes some effort to make it feel natural and fun. Stepped-on toes and awkward moments happen, but remember very few things in life are perfect on the first try! First sexual intercourse experiences are often bursting with high expectations, hopes, anxieties, excitement, and fears. For some, it's important to get "this virginity thing" over with for future, less tense sexual explorations. Often, pressure is a greater factor than pleasure, unfortunately, making many first times disappointing. Don't be too worried — like dancing, subsequent sexual tries are likely to improve with experience, communication, and practice!
What were your expectations for your first sexual intercourse? Many factors could have shaped what you expected. Popular media, such as many movies or music, often portray first times as artistic scenes with attractive celebrities, sensual and hot, and perfectly queued music, lights, and magic. In reality, sex may be sweaty, sticky, uncomfortable, and not have that mesmerizing climax, especially on the first try.
As for the "tight vagina" situation, many rumors and media falsely portray all female virgins as having tight vaginas. Since women are all different, the tightness of the vagina, or vaginal "grip," varies. When a woman is aroused, the vagina relaxes to accommodate objects, like the penis. If you place your finger just inside her vagina and ask her to squeeze, you would probably feel her vaginal muscles tighten. Additionally, if you're accustomed to your hand in masturbation, you may have been expecting to feel pressure as strongly as your hand. Very few vaginas are as capable and strong as hands. If that might be the case, you may teach yourself to masturbate using a looser grip. Try using a water-based lube or your other hand. Changing your pattern may help you learn to respond to different stimuli so that you increase your own opportunities for pleasure.
The first time having sex with a new partner, whether it's your first partner or future partner(s), will often be challenging. What to do? You may prepare yourself in understanding:
- What turns you on?
- What do you find pleasurable?
- How do you want the sex?
- What are your turnoffs and what do you find unpleasurable or painful?
Masturbation, more experience, and a clearer understanding of your own preferences and boundaries will help answer these questions. When you know what's good sex for you, you may communicate it with your sex partner(s).
Being a good lover takes time, trust, practice, patience, and communication. Orgasms and pleasure are as much physical as they are emotional. Sexuality and intimacy involve more than gymnastics — truthfulness and authenticity also play an important part. Along these lines, telling someone that you love the sex when you don't isn't fair to your sex partner. If you were the sex partner and thought that you were doing a wondrous job, would you want to change or try to improve? Respectful feedback in the right settings encourages continuous improvement for your sex life and relationship. Check out the other Q&As in the archives for more onrelationship communication and ways to improve your sex life.
Relax a bit. Build confidence in yourself, clarify your expectations and pleasures, and communicate to help make sure that your future sexual dances will be as good for you as is it was for your sex partner!
Sexy role-plays Q/A
Dear Alice,
My girlfriend and I want to experiment more with our love making. We want to try more role playing, but we need some good ideas to try out. Could you please give some suggestions?
— Wanting to be an Actor
Dear Wanting to be an Actor,
The English poet John Keats once said, "My imagination is a monastery and I am its monk." These words of wisdom don't necessarily suggest that you and your partner dress up like clergy and "disrobe." Instead, his prose should serve as applause to you and your girlfriend for experimenting with fantasy in your sex life. Yes, fantasies can come true, but of course, some are most appropriate between intimate partners within the confines of a private space. That said, here are some suggestions for sexy role-plays, complete with verbal cues:
- School Teacher and Student: "I think you need to stay after class for some private tutoring."
- Flight Attendant and Passenger: "Coffee, tea,... or me?"
- Homeowner and Plumber: "Hurry, I need you to unclog my pipes!"
- Police Officer and Burglar: "Spread 'em!"
- Firefighter and Frightened Citizen: "Let me get my hose and put your fire out."
- Photographer and Subject: "Why don't we try some with your clothes off...smile."
- Star "Trekee" and Star Trekee: "Beam me up Scotty, a Klingon's invading Uranus!"
- Madonna and Adoring Fan: "Get into the groove, boy, you've got to prove your love to me."
You could also role-play situations from your past: the first time you met, adventures of your favorite storybook characters, or that special anniversary years ago. Reversing roles might be fun as well. If one of you is usually dominant and the other passive, switch. And don't forget about the clothes closet, kitchen, laundry room, garage, and backyard — all full of the stuff of dreams and fantasies!
Love Poem # 01
A special world for you and me
A special bond one cannot see
It wraps us up in its cocoon
And holds us fiercely in its womb.
Its fingers spread like fine spun gold
Gently nestling us to the fold
Like silken thread it holds us fast
Bonds like this are meant to last.
And though at times a thread may break
A new one forms in its wake
To bind us closer and keep us strong
In a special world, where we belong.
- Sheelagh Lennon -
lovepoemsandquotes.com
A special bond one cannot see
It wraps us up in its cocoon
And holds us fiercely in its womb.
Its fingers spread like fine spun gold
Gently nestling us to the fold
Like silken thread it holds us fast
Bonds like this are meant to last.
And though at times a thread may break
A new one forms in its wake
To bind us closer and keep us strong
In a special world, where we belong.
- Sheelagh Lennon -
lovepoemsandquotes.com
Romantic Text Messages
Showing your feelings has never been easier since the advent of the text message. Anytime or anywhere you can instantly shoot off a message across the globe to the one you love, letting them know they are on your mind. Unfortunately, it isn't always easy coming up with witty romantic words of love. So, to help ease your burden, we've come up with a whole host of romantic messages that will set your love's heart atwitter with delight. If you have a great message that isn't included here, let us know and we'll include it in our list! Happy Texting!
- Let these words not only touch your eyes, let them travel through your soul, and let them rest in your heart as you rest in mine…I love you.
- You're still the one…
- Words alone will never be able to express the depth of my love for you.
- In case you didn't know, I'll be loving you always and forever!!
- Just when I thought it couldn't get better, you prove me wrong! I love you!
- Falling in love with you was the easiest thing I've done in my life.
- Hand in hand and heart to heart my love for you shall never part.
- Even though we are apart, my love you will never part.
- I'll love the sun for days, the moon for nights, and YOU for forever.
- Loving you makes my heart explode with happiness.
- Rains fall, winds blow, the sun shines... it all comes naturally, just like loving you.
- Simply said... I love you...
- Being with you is like having every single one of my wishes come true.
- Loving you has been the best thing to ever happen to me!
- Just had to let you know... you're the best! I love you!
- There is no long distance about love; it always finds a way to bring hearts together, no matter how many miles are between them.
- You are the sun in my day, the wind in my sky, the waves in my ocean, and the beat in my heart.
- I wish I was there to hold you tight instead of just send this loving, "Good Night."
- Thank you for being the one who calms all my inner fears.
- Your love is all I'll ever need.
Seven ways to seduce your man
Dame Lori offers these seven ways to seduce your man - in spite of your shyness
#1 Tell him you are shy.
Tell your man that you are terrifyingly shy and you don’t know what to do next. Ask him if he is okay with your shyness. (But don’t worry of course, he is— shyness is an automatic hot seduction tool, trust me!)
#2 Practice being “The Shy Seductress!”
Create a performance based upon the sublime sweetness of shy…fan dancing…scarf twirling…anything that is fun for you. You don’t have to do this in front of your guy…only in front of your mirror!
#3 Use shy props.
Throughout history women have used fans and veils, you can use a shirt, napkin or anything at hand as an absolutely amazing tool to cover your face, your mouth and express your emotions when you are not able to speak!
#4 Write notes to each other…
Or letters… or text him for a while until you are ready for a voice-to-voice conversation. These are amazing ways to lead you into taking the next steps that YOU are ready for. Not his steps…yours!
#5 Go out with another seductress who is more skilled than you.
Research and observe firsthand what a great seductress is and how she enjoys taking her pleasure with men. Women require a community of support to play pleasure and practice the expansion and celebration of their sensuality. It’s fun… it pushes and forces you to stretch and use new skills you would otherwise not do solo!
#6 Practice with other men.
This is essential to build our confidence and get us comfortable with standard seduction skills. Use your skilled seductress friends to create pleasurable seductions with your men friends…. a la Cyrano-style.
#7 Ask your guy for some pointers.
When it comes to being a shy seductress, ask him if he could help you create some great shy seductions given your circumstances. Get your guy thinking imaginatively, cooking up some fun scenarios that could be hilariously fun for you two… ask him for 5 or 10 ideas.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
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